Lettre de motivation trop longue ? Comment enlever le surplus ?

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juillet 25, 2009 par anonyme

bonjour j'aimerais votre avis pour une lettre de motivation, je dois rédiger une lettre de motivation manuscrite pour une école de formation (vente de produits biologiques). J'ai une très belle écriture, mais, voici le hic : trop grosse et pas moyen de la réduire< je n'y arrive pas !! J'ai été habitué à faire mes lettres par informatique (j'ai un bep secrétariat donc j'ai toujours appris comme ça) et, du coup, je me retrouve devant un dilemme : comment enlever du superflus quand il n'en reste pas vraiment?!! en effet j'explique un petit peu mes motivations et ma vie, mais avant tout pour accrocher ma candidature car je sais que mon végétarisme influence positivement les formateurs...et c'est le seul superflu que l'on peut trouver, enfin je crois ! bref j'ai besoins d'aide !!

voici ma lettre :

"Madame, Monsieur,

Après avoir longuement réfléchi sur l’orientation qui convient le mieux à mes aspirations, j’ai choisi de préparer une formation en tant que vendeuse/conseillère en produits bio.

En effet, passionnée par tout ce qui touche à la nature (écologie, bien être et santé au naturel, alimentation saine, médecines douces…) je souhaite allier métier et passion.
Pratiquant le végétarisme depuis quelques années, j’ai acquis une certaine expérience en nutrition et, par la suite, en alimentation et autres produits bio. Mon désir de devenir conseillère/vendeuse en produits bio est peu à peu devenu une évidence puisque ce métier respecte ma philosophie de vie.

De plus, étant de nature sociale, la vente et le conseil envers un client ne me font pas peur. J’ai, par ailleurs, déjà effectué des conseils et vente simple dans une animalerie il y a quelques années de cela. J’ai également aidé au réapprovisionnement des stocks et au rayonnage.

Dans L’espoir que vous pourrez envisager favorablement l’accueil de ma candidature, je vous prie d’agréer, Madame, Monsieur, l’expression de mes salutations distinguées."

Merci de votre attention,
bonne journée à tous!

‹ Lettre de couverture Idée de phrase pour candidature spontanée ›

Commentaires

Lettre de motivation trop longue

juillet 25, 2009 par anonyme, Il y a 2 an 28 semaines
Commentaire : 61

Hello,
Franchement je trouve ta lettre très bien. Ne change rien, n'enlève rien. Il n'y a pas de superflus. Il vaut mieux que tu fasses un effort pour réduire la taille de ton écriture que d'enlever du contenu à cette lettre.

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